To be 13 again

SCARED out of my ever-loving mind at first, being a nurse in a junior high is fun.  Confession: I kinda like it.

In fact, this nursing job is turning out not only to be a fun job with an amazing schedule, but also a source of comedy....

...like the kid who, when asked if he had any allergies, told me that "I'm only allergic to mucous.  Mucous makes me throw up."   Hmmmm.  Then he proceeded to talk incessantly until his mom came to take the fever-laden kid home.

....what about the boys who were convinced they got "tipsy" from the rum cake brought to the holiday celebration?  Some mean girl told them she put real rum in the icing instead of rum extract.  (she did, in fact, use the extract, confirmed when we called the parent)  Those poor boys came back many times that day to make sure their feelings were not because they were drunk.  Perhaps just too many sweets?

....a frequent flyer coming in around the same time every day, right after he helped out in the front office.  After talking with the counselor, come to find out he's kind of over the class he's trying to dodge, and his life goal is to be in the Naval Men's Chorus that travels around singing for special things.  Didn't even know people had that as a life goal.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

....better than the girl whose life goal is to run a fruit stand.

Oh, to be 13 again.  A whole different set of stresses, that's for sure.
Even so, glad I'm an adult this go around in junior high.

A Steel Magnolia

Some may call it micro-managing, others controlling.  In my mind, it's "this-is-the-only-way-I-know-to-hold-it-together."  Truly, a survival mode. The mode of everyone has clean clothes to wear, we have food to eat and everyone has their daily meds.  After those are taken care of, that's when we add other things.  There is a person in this house who has no control over how his body treats him and he deals with that every day.  So, that may explain what makes me want to tighten my reigns a little more, to feel like I have some control.  This flu stuff that came in and demanded the reigns loosen a bit this week really threw my mind for a loop (unless that was just fever...).

Another reminder from up above, making me aware that we are not, in any way, form, or fashion, in control.
A life lesson to be learned...over and over and over again...

Many life lessons have been shared with me by my Momma...as many of you can relate, I'm sure.  Over these busy holiday months, she hosted her favorite holiday, Thanksgiving.  Used to having a house full of 20-40 people, this year we had 10 around her table.  During this season, she also remembered her life mate, whose birthday was the week prior to Christmas.  Four birthdays for four of her kids, and her own birthday this last week.

This lady has taught me, by example, just what it takes to be a "Steel Magnolia." A Southern lady with strength, determination, grace, all while looking calm and collected. You know those "Keep Calm and..." signs?  That's her lifestyle.  The duck gliding smoothly across the pond, with the feet moving constantly to get the job done.

"How does she do this?" you may ask.  Does she quote the movie? (no, that's me and my friends)  Does she tease her hair to make it look like a brown football helmet?  Not anymore.
Might she believe in the power of the ability to accessorize?  Of course.  Here are some other ways...in list form, of course...how the woman I am blessed to call mom is made of steel but gentle and beautiful as the magnolia.

1)  Self-sacrifice.   Mom decided to forgo college and raise a family.  Let it be known, she is one of the smartest individuals I know.  The number of hours this lady has volunteered at schools, churches, nursing homes, at her sewing machine, medical alliance, delivering meals on wheels...the hours are countless.

2)  Strength.  This lady helped her husband through pharmacy school, and then, with 6 kids (one in diapers), moved to Kansas City, where she knew not a soul, so dad could fulfill his dream to go to medical school.  She kept other people's kids, typed notes for the note pool, and did what she needed to do to keep the family going, all while being on the PTA board, of course.  Then, she had a 7th kid.  (thank goodness!)  :)

3)  Determination.  When this woman puts her mind to something, she gets it done.  Don't ever doubt that she won't.

4)  Serving with a smile.  Mom has a servant's heart.  One of her gifts...making magic in the kitchen.  That lady can go to her kitchen and whip out an incredible home-cooked meal for 20 in an hour if needed!  Everything will taste great and all be warm and done at the same time.  I don't know how it happens, but it does.  And mom has used this gift to serve at church and on mission trips many times.

5)  Grace and humility.  Sweet mom will not take recognition.  When it is bestowed upon her, she takes it with grace and humility.

6)  Superhero.  Even now, when I'm desperate and cry for help, mom will come in and with one easy swoop, watch the kids, bake with them, fold the clean laundry, and never once say "look what I did for you".

7)  Friend.  The fact that I can call my mom a friend, who I can call and share anything with, is an incredible blessing.  (and even if what I'm saying is a bit "tacky", she listens with a loving heart)

8)  You know how they say "Behind every great man is an even greater woman?"  Knowing Dad would agree, mom was always a great support for Dad in their 53 years of marriage.  Together their example of a Christ-centered marriage was evident.

9)  Devotion.  To God, her husband, her children, her parents, God's children...no matter size, age, race...

All of this...even as she has faced struggles and adversities along life's path, as we all do.  Bringing home child #5, when her house held already 4 children ages  1, 2, 3, and 4 years old.  Facing the doctor telling you that maybe you shouldn't bring your next child into the world...because they may be born handicapped.  Watching children ache with broken hearts.  Walking alongside a child whose child had cancer.   Battling and surviving breast cancer.

This strong, beautiful, Southern steel magnolia of a lady is precious to my heart.  Praying that as age continues to grow in number, I am able to give back to her a small part of what she has given me.

Mom with her 7 children, at the dedication of an educational center in Dad's honor at the hospital where he served for almost 30 years.  (2009)

Tiaras, books, and the rest of the story

She wore a tiara as we sat down at the table.  Not a fancy dinner or a special occasion, but still, the tiara was in place.  She offered to say the prayer.  We obliged, knowing that her little self didn't care to pray out loud much.  Four of us at the table bowed our heads.  The tiara-clad pint-sized beauty swiftly stood up on a step stool that she had placed by her seat, and proceeded to belt out one heck of a version of "God is Great."  Brought a smile to my face.  It felt like we were smack dab in the middle of a "Fancy Nancy" book .

Books have always been friends to me. During nursing school that changed a bit, and after nursing school I didn't want to look at another book for a long time.  It took a broken leg and 12 weeks on crutches to get me back to reading more than children's books (which, in fact, are still my favorite).

Whenever reading through a novel I love to be able to look ahead and make sure that in fact, my two favorite characters will end up together.  Or that a certain character will still be alive at the end of the book.  Or just get a glimpse of what the future of the story holds.  To find out the rest of the story before it's acutally been told.   Chad and the kids surprised me with a Nook when I turned 35.  I love my Nook, but it makes it very difficult to look ahead and create "spoilers."

Too bad life's not like that, I have thought to myself sometimes.  Can't I just see ahead and have the assurance that everything will be okay?  That things will turn out the way I WANT them to?!?!

This particular discussion came up one Sunday morning in Bible class.  One of my wise friends said something that has stuck with me...."If I had known what the future was going to be, I would have lived that last two years of my husband's life in great sadness instead of enjoying the days we were given."

Yesterday we learned that my handsome, always-smiling, friendly cousin fell asleep and then woke up in heaven. He was 41.  If we had known how his story was going to turn out, how would we have lived life differently?  My heart hurts for his boys and his parents and sisters.


So the realization is this: we don't get the assurance that life will turn out the way WE WANT it to turn out.  We don't get to look ahead and reveal to ourselves that everything will be just as we please. 

We ARE given the assurance that God is with us, that by His grace we are given hope and a future.  Whatever that holds for our family, whatever weird and strange things go on with Chad's health, I must know that He is in control, and I must be willing to let Him take that control.

He needs to light my path on this journey of life.  What I have to accept is that He is and will continue to do that, just one step at a time.  And THAT'S what needs to be in my book.  Along with the tiara-clad praying girl keeping me grounded along the way.  :)

David Crowder Band, "Let Me Feel You Shine":
This place is trying to break my belief
But my faith is bigger than all I can see
What I need is redemption
What I need is for You for to put me back on my feet

They aren't kidding one single bit

Cooking dinner, and hear "Mom, I need help with this word."  Leave the stove and go help the boy with his spelling homework.  As I finish there, "Mommmm-eeee!" from down the hall in the bathroom.  After taking care of those needs, walk back to the kitchen to see the littlest helping herself to a drink, in which she has spilled a bottle of juice on the floor.  Then, as if on cue, the smoke alarm reminds me of dinner on the stove.   There's no way I can pick up the phone that has started to ring.

That could have been any afternoon just a few years ago.  It was days like this that I would wonder how time could ever pass quickly.  Wondering how much longer until bedtime?!   After all, people are quick to tell you "Time passes so quickly.  Just wait until they get into school." 

Guess what?  Those people are telling the truth.  They aren't kidding one single bit.

Not that there aren't crazy days where it seems like every step forward leads to three steps back.  But there are little changes happening daily that remind me that these kids that I'm blessed with here under my roof are growing up rather quickly. 

First, there are those physical changes that happen right before your eyes and ears.  The height and sheer size of the kids is unbelievable.  Buying athletic pants today for Seth, I found myself thinking, "Well, when he outgrows them he can just give them to Chad." Sure, the 12 year old can hand down pants to his father.  The pants I bought and thought would be way too big for Sarah, well they fit her perfectly.   And when the littlest wants me to do her hair, I have to reach a bit higher these days.

Then, there are small changes: Ella Grace reads to herself at bedtime.  Seth sits with the youth at church on Sundays.  Sarah just wants clothes and jewelry for her birthday.

This time thing is going by rather quickly.  And I've got a job to do inside this very house.  As a family we've worked on scripture memory and made it a point to have the kids involved in church from day one.   But today it hit home as we spoke of impressing God's word on our children's hearts during Bible class...
"Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got!  Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts.  Get them inside of you and then get them inside of your children.  Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall in bed at night."~Deuteronomy 6:5-8

Get these promises in my heart.  Impress them on my children's hearts.  Through words, example, actions, and life, this must be done.  There's not an end date, no deadline.  But there is a time frame in that at some point these kids won't be with me every morning before school and every evening at bedtime.

This is no newsflash to any of us.  After all, it's how it's all supposed to work, right?  It just was staring me in the face today, that's all.  Along with new wrinkles.  And the effects of not exercising as much as this body needs me to.

But enough about that.  Take a look at what a difference three short years has made on these three kids (Mickey hasn't shrunk)...
Disneyland 2009 and Disneyland 2012:

That's all.   Enjoy every day.  And if you're like Seth, make sure to pick up a large hat at the Disney park of your choosing...  :)

Reality show

Life isn't as perfect as others may make it out to be. 

That's what I tell myself, anyway.

There is one TV show that I've watched faithfully over the last three years.  During the last winter Olympics, NBC promoted a new drama, "Parenthood."  Starring a great cast, Chad and I have watched it from the beginning.  It is the one show I have to keep up with.  It follows the life of the Bravermans...an older married couple, along with their four grown children and their families.  I cannot tell you what a great show this is.

Honestly, I am not a fan of "reality tv."  However, "Parenthood" is reality tv to me, although it is scripted.   It takes real-life situations and family dynamics and puts it on the tv screen. :)  It also always has great music.

The latest storyline is that one of the characters has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Christina is the character I relate most with...no matter what challenges have arisen within her family unit, she does what she has to do to make things work.  Husband loses his job, she goes to work.  Son with Asperger's, she does whatever she can to make life as normal as possible.  The last episode, she and her husband were at an appointment with her surgeon, deciding on a timeline for treatment.  The doctor looked at her and said (paraphrased, of course), "...you seem like a woman that has done whatever she needs to do for her family.  Now, your family needs you to do this for you."

Hmmm.

Watching this "reality" show.  Knowing life isn't always as wonderful as it may sound or appear on social media.  But I've already let you know my heart on that subject a few posts back.

That's one thing that's on my mind. 

The other is this.  It's amazing how God brings us through things, and although they may seem insignificant at the time, it is later in your life you realize it was most definitely for a purpose. 
Terminal illness -vs- chronic illness.  Who wants either of those?  It's not like if someone said, "Okay.  You have to choose between these two illnesses.  Which one should I sign you up for?"

Yes.  Ahem...my answer is neither, thank you.

And sometimes God has other plans...like Chad getting put on the "chronic" list.  So you accept it and allow Him to use it for good.  Even when there is nothing good staring you in the face.   We will allow the mounting list of symptoms and increasing severity of these symptoms to mold us and change us for Him to use for good.   I know God will use these experiences, no matter how painful, for His good...if not now, in the future with us or our three kids.  (which, in this picture-perfect pic, taken by Whitney Scott, the kids (and I) were much younger and smaller than they are now...and Chad was a bit more spunky back then)

And all the while, being that mom and wife who will do whatever she needs to do for her family.  With God's help, of course.
"...you were made ...for such a time as this."~Esther 4:14

Thanks anyway

"New normal."

Um, no thank you, I am enjoying normal right now.  There is no need to get a "new normal."  You see, that would involve something changing.  I just got used to this normal we have at the moment...you know, the one You changed just a few weeks ago?   And I don't mind keeping older, used things.  My closet will tell you that.  So will other things and objects I possess...we keep things until we need a new one, and then it doesn't necessarily have to be brand new.  No, I'm quite content, thanks anyway.

That is a conversation God and I have had a number of times over the last few years.  See, He'd like to get on with things and shape and form me into what He needs me to be now, when I'd like to stay the same, thank you very much.  What's wrong with now?  I mean, things could be better in some areas of my life, no doubt.  Things could be better...

But instead of leaving things (and me) the way they are, He chooses to change them.  Not really in ways I'd like to see, but all for a purpose.

The youngest has been studying Earth science....you know, landforms and such.  This couldn't stay the same and become as fascinating as it is today...

Water, movement, erosion (all third grade terms, mind you)...all these things God put in place to make this miraculous natural beauty.

That's what He'll reveal.  Someday.  But for now, I will painstakingly watch the "new normal" come to shape(again) praying that rest, relief, and healing will come, quickly.

Won't-Let-Go-Inator

This morning I was putting on make up like always. And for some reason, the lines on my forehead wouldn't disappear. Not only would they not disappear, go away, vanish....they actually looked AND felt like real creases. Wrinkles?!? No fine lines here. Now I'd really like a "de-wrinkle-inator" from Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. Yes, please let this character here make something to zap my wrinkles:

If only....but at least I don't look like him.

Then life began. You know, the morning flurry of activity which now includes early athletics and a new report time at work. All good things, just a busy schedule. Life starts and you tend to forget about those little things, like wrinkles.

So many things happen in a day. Good and wonderful things. Seth made the "A" team tight end in football...his goal! Fun and light things. Auntie Ann took lunch to the girls at school today! Sad things. Heavy and gray things(I'd rather not share examples). And mundane things. Laundry, the grocery... The day rushes by with such a great speed you can sometimes feel it rushing past you, leaving you feeling (and looking) windblown.

"Make each moment count."

"Be a light."

"Treat everyone with dignity and respect. (even if they are 12 and have been to your office three times this week)"

These things play through my head most moments of each day.

Then, at the end of the day, "Lord, please give us rest." A prayer prayed with each of my children at bedtime. A prayer prayed daily, sometimes multiple times a day, for my husband.

As I took the time to start this journal of sorts, it was only for selfish reasons. To unload and share a little of what goes on in our world. Although the hope is there that these words encourage you to love the life you have, with who you're with, making moments count.

So many people these days spend so much energy and time on issues and subjects that frankly I don't have the time or energy to worry about right now. Yes, they are important. But in front of me are more important things that must be tended to.

Praying for rest for my husband's weary body. While physically he struggles with good and bad days, it becomes much more difficult when the good days are less than what they used to be and so much farther apart. Loving the determined spirit in him. But please, God, some rest.

Please take three minutes to listen to two of my favorites: Louie Giglio and David Crowder Band(and I love how you can hear a little of Crowder's Texas twang in this)

My God has a "Won't-Let-Go-Inator"....