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Monday, October 13, 2014

Help me to stand, and see up

There are so many times in life when I would like to lay down and whine and carry on.  You know, like the kid throwing a fit in a store when you don't like what mom's telling you.  Bury your face first in your hands and then into the chair that's by the Marshall's entrance.  The chairs put there for men to sit in while the ladies shop and check out...hard blue plastic.  But you don't care, you're going to make your point.  Burying your head and begging and pleading and "why?-ing" when you didn't get your way.

Surely that only happened to me with my kids.  (actually I like to remember that behavior only happened once with each kid...then they knew better and waited until we got to the car ;)  )

But that's what I want to do sometimes! 
That's not what we're supposed to do, darn it.  Although we all have come into contact with those adults who can't get past throwing tantrums, we're supposed to be the responsible adult that handles all the yuck...with great expectation from those around who are watching.  That's almost more daunting than the yuck itself.  Who is watching?  The people in my house, of course.  Anyone else?   What will they see?  Are they just waiting for me to mess up?  If I lay down and whine and wallow in the mess of life, will it affect them?  They're going to learn.  From me. 

Gulp.

Who do I learn from?  I learned an incredible amount from my parents.  (thank the good Lord I was blessed with the two best parents ever)  Learned a lot from my six awesome siblings, all of whom came-prior-in-line-of-succession, as dad would say. 
Trying hard to learn from my heavenly Father.  Easier said than done.  It's easier sometimes to act like the kid throwing the tantrum.  To dig my heels in the ground and demand my own way.

This is Molly Kate.  Molly Kate is almost two.  
She appears to be walking, but she's not doing it on her own power.  Molly Kate's muscles in her legs do not cooperate with her.  To walk (and play soccer) she is using the strength of her Daddy.  He's using a device she has called an UpSee to get her up in a standing position and "walk".  Molly Kate is the beautiful, precious daughter of my good friend, Tiffany, and her husband Barry.  Barry and Tiff have been dear friends of ours since college, and have walked through the last 20 years of life with us.  (for more about Molly Kate and her amazing family, click here http://elkinsfam5.blogspot.com/ )

Just like Molly Kate is using her Daddy's power to stand up straight, look forward, and move ahead, I must keep in mind to harness myself to my Heavenly Daddy in order to move in the best way possible.  That means trust.  That means even when I want to crumple up in a defiant whine, he won't let me.  If I use my Father's power, it is possible to keep from doing just that.

No matter the expectations that myself and others have for me, because I will mess up, this must be the choice.  Things won't always go as planned.  Life will have obsticles and I'll get lazy.  Lately I've so wanted to not keep my eyes up, to use my own power, to take care of it on my own.  But the overwhelming truth is that I can't.  Not on my own.  

Jesus savior, help me each day
Fill me with hope, fill me with faith
Darkness retreats at the touch of Your hand
Jesus savior, help me to stand
"Jesus, Help Me to Stand" by Alison Krauss