She wore a tiara as we sat down at the table. Not a fancy dinner or a special occasion, but still, the tiara was in place. She offered to say the prayer. We obliged, knowing that her little self didn't care to pray out loud much. Four of us at the table bowed our heads. The tiara-clad pint-sized beauty swiftly stood up on a step stool that she had placed by her seat, and proceeded to belt out one heck of a version of "God is Great." Brought a smile to my face. It felt like we were smack dab in the middle of a "Fancy Nancy" book .
Books have always been friends to me. During nursing school that changed a bit, and after nursing school I didn't want to look at another book for a long time. It took a broken leg and 12 weeks on crutches to get me back to reading more than children's books (which, in fact, are still my favorite).
Whenever reading through a novel I love to be able to look ahead and make sure that in fact, my two favorite characters will end up together. Or that a certain character will still be alive at the end of the book. Or just get a glimpse of what the future of the story holds. To find out the rest of the story before it's acutally been told. Chad and the kids surprised me with a Nook when I turned 35. I love my Nook, but it makes it very difficult to look ahead and create "spoilers."
Too bad life's not like that, I have thought to myself sometimes. Can't I just see ahead and have the assurance that everything will be okay? That things will turn out the way I WANT them to?!?!
This particular discussion came up one Sunday morning in Bible class. One of my wise friends said something that has stuck with me...."If I had known what the future was going to be, I would have lived that last two years of my husband's life in great sadness instead of enjoying the days we were given."
Yesterday we learned that my handsome, always-smiling, friendly cousin fell asleep and then woke up in heaven. He was 41. If we had known how his story was going to turn out, how would we have lived life differently? My heart hurts for his boys and his parents and sisters.
So the realization is this: we don't get the assurance that life will turn out the way WE WANT it to turn out. We don't get to look ahead and reveal to ourselves that everything will be just as we please.
We ARE given the assurance that God is with us, that by His grace we are given hope and a future. Whatever that holds for our family, whatever weird and strange things go on with Chad's health, I must know that He is in control, and I must be willing to let Him take that control.
He needs to light my path on this journey of life. What I have to accept is that He is and will continue to do that, just one step at a time. And THAT'S what needs to be in my book. Along with the tiara-clad praying girl keeping me grounded along the way. :)
David Crowder Band, "Let Me Feel You Shine":
This place is trying to break my belief
But my faith is bigger than all I can see
What I need is redemption
What I need is for You for to put me back on my feet