As I was reading one evening, I came across a paragraph that I read over again about 5 times. I put my head up and looked around. It was like the author had looked into our life, and put it perfectly into words:
"...and occasionally he would just seem to disappear, as if the only way he could cope with the sensation (pain) was to absent himself from his own body." *
A few paragraphs later, same thing:
"Despite all this, Will did not complain. This was why it had taken me weeks to notice that he suffered at all. Now I could decipher the strained look around his eyes, the silences, the way he seemed to retreat inside his own skin. ... Sometimes he was in so much pain that his face actually leached color, turning to pale putty. Those were the worst days."*
And then a couple of chapters later, again.
I love to read, not that I have much time to read for pleasure. When I do, a warning comes to my family in which they know clean laundry will become a mountain in the laundry basket and dishes won't get done unless they do those things themselves. Also, sandwiches or cereal may be the dinner choices a few nights in a row. If you're lucky, a frozen pizza. :)
Yes...in the second to last full week of school, I decided to start a book, because there wasn't enough going on! I finished in four days. Many of you have probably read this story, as it released in 2012 and is now a movie releasing in a few days. Going into it, I knew the premise of the story of "Me Before You"...what I didn't realize was that it would strike such a chord in me.
Do I live with a person who is quadriplegic? No.
Do I question the value of one's life based on their physical abilities? No.
Do I live in a small English town with a castle sitting in the middle of it? Ahem, far from it.
Have I been a caregiver to a man I love, trying to make his life good and worth every minute he's around, trying to balance the man-vs-patient, caregiver-vs-wife, "independent grown man"-vs- "so desperately needing help", all while moving forward with the life that's happening around us? YES.
Things with his health lately have been status quo and most people that just see him around right now probably think nothing's really wrong with that man. Bad days, better days, and all the in-between. Although I say it cautiously, no hospital stays in over a year. But where we have been is not a distant memory, and what he lives with every day would put most of us in bed for weeks.
Whatever life brings, I hope and pray each of us value each day. That's what I seem to always come to in this blog: appreciate the life you have today. Appreciate those around you, even if they are getting on your very last nerve and cause you to do things like finish a pint of ice cream or a bag of caramel corn. :)
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up with the time comes." Matthew 6:34
* from "Me Before You" by Jojo Moyes, Chapter 7, pages 102, 103