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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

No matter what chaos surrounds you

Her blue eyes gleamed, her dimples were deep across her freckled cheeks, when she expressed: "Life just goes too fast!"  Those words came from the mouth of my 9-year old last week.  She may just be repeating something she's heard, but my momma heart thinks that it's starting to set in with her, that time does go by quickly.  And I was quick to remind her that's why we have to make every day count.

Some have wondered what has gone on here, and if you haven't, then by all means quit reading.  In last post you get a glimpse of the picture.  A headline would read something like, "Overachiever suffers injury on top of chronic illness," or maybe even "Superman found kryptonite." In short, Chad continues to be unable to move well.  To get from place to place, a wheelchair or crutches are used.  This of course limits his ability to do many daily tasks.  Multiple appointments with physicians and physical therapy, and we still wait to see what surgery he will need in the future.

Chad has lived with chronic illness for years and dealt with debilitating pain.  The pain that just shuts a body down and says "excuse me while I make you curl up into a ball and sleep, no matter what chaos surrounds you." The pain that keeps him from doing what he desires to do in life.  This winter was full of that pain.

This all sounds so gloomy and sad!  Why write about a not-quite-40 guy suffering?  Because of what was at the top.  The kids in our house have to see and deal with a lot.  They've learned so much about compassion and tolerance and patience.  But they are learning to make every day count. 
I pray daily that growing up in this family will profit them with a heart and mind for helping others.

Those kids aren't perfect like their mom (hahahahahahaha).  Their momma is having a harder time learning to make each day count while making the days full of mercy and grace.  Confession: about the girl's bedtime each night, when I have the time to think about all the responsibilities I have and how I'm going to get it all done...it can get pretty gloomy in my mind and heart.  The selfish thoughts of "I didn't sign up for all of this," and wanting to do MY things for me start playing in my head.  Reeling those thoughts back in, I remind myself of the promises that I've been given, and knowing the promises I made as a wife 18 years ago. I can look across the room at my Chad.  He didn't sign up for this.  If he had his way, he'd still be a fire station officer or fire chief somewhere.  He'd be shooting baskets with Seth, jumping on the trampoline with Sarah, and kicking soccer balls with Ella Grace.

There is a plan.  Hard days are extremely difficult to watch and not be able to do much to help.  Better days are still difficult to watch him go through.  Knowing the right amount of help to give or not give is a balancing act that can leave both of us ready to poke each other's eyes out.   But it all comes back down to making every day count.  And trying to do it with mercy and grace.  Because life does go by pretty fast.

And it ALL comes down to this: there's not a second of each day that I'm not in the mercy and grace of His mighty hands.

"There's no space that His love can't reach,
there's no place that we can't find peace,
there's no end to amazing grace...
I am holding on to you,
in the middle of the storm, I am holding on..."
~David Crowder


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