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Merry Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas from our family.
Most years by this time, Christmas cards have been addressed and letter written.  This is not one of those years.
But that's okay.
The plan is a New Year's card.  We'll see if that happens.

Until then, Merry Christmas from our family.  Make every day count and let the people you care for know how much you love and appreciate them.
(AND PRAY THESE EXCITED KIDS WILL GO TO BED SO SANTA CAN COME!)

Stuck

Digging brownie bites out of the pan.  WHY are they sticking?  After making this recipe for years...hundreds of times...why now?  Piece together what I can to provide some sort of chocolate and cream cheese nourishment to the staff at the middle school as part of the parent thank you lunch for the staff.  They NEED their chocolate and cream cheese.  Darn store brand non-stick spray.  See if I ever use you again.  And WHY did I not just buy something?  I'm a working mom.  There's an excuse.  No.  Must be able to do it.  ALL.

Digging brownie bites out of the pan.  Picture in my mind last Wednesday night: Kate Reddy* masked desserts purchased from the grocery.  I could do that.  Buy them and make them look homemade?  The next day go to store to buy different nonstick spray.  Pass through the bakery section and see the store version of my homemade wonder...grrr.  Resist buying them. Next batch, for the elementary staff, turned out much nicer.  And the batch for the get together with friends.  And the batch for the 3rd grade party three days later.

And homemade teacher gifts?  Yes, time is plentiful here apparently.  They got done and delivered today.  Amazing, incredible teachers deserve some sacrifice from parents sometimes. And face it...they deserve much more than that!

Do those details matter?  To the people affected, lets hope.  To my kids, yes...they enjoy saying they had a part in creating something for their teachers that they hope their teachers will appreciate and enjoy.

But at the same time all of this is going on...
My sister celebrated a birthday...and has a beautiful, 9 year old, non-verbal, autistic son who we pray daily will talk.
Carlos, Sarah's friend whose family was in a horrible car accident earlier in the month, buried his little brother and welcomed his mom home from the hospital.
A friend said goodbye to her Daddy.  The same day my Daddy would have turned 73.
Another friend celebrated her daughter's 10th birthday.  But her beautiful, bright-eyed, sassy-but-sweet daughter is in heaven and is desperately missed here on Earth.
An old friend is caring for her infant daughter going through chemotherapy.
And we know what the man of this house is dealing with...every day.

Where's the hope in that?  Why are my simple frustrations getting to me so when so many around me are dealing with so much more?

The hope, (thank the Lord!) came over 2000 years ago, wrapped up in a baby boy.  So glad I know that.  So glad to be celebrating His hope this season.  Even if we get stuck along the way.



*One of the books on the reading list that was actually completed this year: "I Don't Know How She Does It" by Allison Pearson.  It was becoming a movie, the title was oh so catching, it had to be read.  (A good book.  Not exactly what I was expecting, but true to life, and the movie didn't get good reviews, so it can wait until Netflix.)  The heroine?  Kate Reddy.

Great Expectations

Expectations come in all shapes and sizes, from many different sources.  Some are happy, some anxiety-ridden, some heavy, some light, some temporary, others final. 

For instance, expecting a baby.  Waiting weeks and months to wonder what the baby will look like, how big they will be, and what their cry will sound like.  Those were happy, yet for the NICU nurse in me, anxiety-filled months of expectation.

Expectations from work.  Tasks to be done and completed to the best of your ability.  As we are growing up, expectations from parents and teachers to fulfill our responsibilities in our daily activities, behavior, and actions.

This weekend I watched my now 9-year-old's expectations of her birthday celebrations play out.  And if you know Sarah, you know she is sweeter than Blue Bell, and lets every emotion show on her face as they come to her heart.  Everything was going absolutely perfect until a boy she expected to come to her birthday celebration did not make it.  She had a terrific, super fun time with her friends there...there's no doubt about it...but she was let down in  her expectation of this kiddo's arrival.  (Trust me, she made it a point to find out why on Monday at school)  :)

It's human, I believe, to become disappointed when things don't live up to our expectations.  Why, some of us will even admit that the personal expectations we put on ourselves are the hardest to overcome (even yours truly).

Christmas time is full of expectation! The world is rejoicing in the birth of our Savior, and we are expectant  of His return...similar to how Mary and Joseph were expecting His arrival thousands of years ago.  Can you imagine?  Looking at your newborn, feeling the thrill, excitement, and wonder of what God has planned for you and this baby.  Feeling the expectation God has for you as you mother His child?

Let's face it, I'll admit that I have some expectations for God, Himself.   And I KNOW that my problems are minor compared to others in this world...I am not trying at all to magnify anything my family is dealing with....just sharing.  Anyway, I am expecting...anticipating...complete healing for my husband.  And to add to the expectation...I want it on this side of heaven.  I am expecting Him to heal Chad completely....but I want it on my own terms.  That's not what we are promised, though.  We are promised in His Word that He will take care of us.  He will provide and care for us...never leave us.  And that's what I will cling to.

There is an ornament that was given to me by one of my sisters 12 years ago, the year I was expecting Seth.  Now it means something completely different to us.  We are still expecting a miracle.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever, Amen!"--Ephesians 3:20

Top Ten

Thanksgiving Weekend's Top Ten

10.  Mom's dressing.

9.   Three sisters, most of their families, cousin and family, mom, Chad, kids, and inlaws filling mom's house for Thanksgiving lunch.  No hospital and Cracker Barrel for us this year.  :)

8.   Three extremely energetic and healthy children who call me "mom".  Sometimes one at a time.  A lot of times all at once.

7.   Thanksgiving weekend with "Friends" on Nick and Nite after the kids are in bed, propane fireplace on, and hot coffee in hand.

6.   Christmas decorating has commenced!

5.   Lowfat Carmel latte and Target trip by myself.   Alone.   Singularly.   No one fought over who was going to push the cart.   I did it myself.

4.   Purchasing first Christmas gift...and knowing that the recipient's eyes will gleam with excitement when she sees it!

3.   Mom's dressing.    Sleeping in until middle would ask permission to turn on the tv.   At 6:30am.  It is a struggle most school mornings to get her out of bed at 7am.

2.   Taking two evenings to read all of the entries the kids stuffed into our jar "Full of blessings."  Top entries: Jesus, family, cwanbewwies, and potties.

1.    Mom's dressing.   A good first week at a new job.  And a job to look forward to tomorrow.  To quote a famous man (or my Dad), "I can't believe they pay me to have this much fun!"

Here's to making the most out of this week.

A Happy Heart

“A thankful heart is a happy heart..." 

Love this time of year...when much of the country pauses to focus on why they are thankful.  In this day and time no one seems to pause for anything except to pause the DVR for a potty break.  And at times it's difficult to notice any one's gratitude for anything.  Drilling gratitude into my kids' hearts and minds has been near the top of the list when raising our three rowdy kids...

Our pause of gratitude tonight began with a night of take and bake pizza, band hero, and cooking in the kitchen.  Memories made of Seth finally agreeing to a Taylor Swift song on Band Hero so Sarah could sing it...Daddy mustering enough muster to sing a funny rendition of "Mr Roboto", and Ella Grace excitedly searching cookbooks for a "puhfect suhpwise wecipe" that we made together.  (how in the world have I never ever made Paula Deen's Chocolate Chip Coffee cookies?) 

The little one loves to spend time with her mommy...which is why I suppose there so many stories to share about her.  As we were cooking tonight, "aw...I just buhped, but not a wegulah buhp...just one that comes up in yoh mouth but not yoh nose..." (gross) Also, the cucumber and onion salad for tomorrow's Thanksgiving meal may not have the thinnest slices of cucumber in it...but they were sliced with love and oh so much excitement.  (Auntie Ann, I hope you don't mind...they are not uniform in size...at ALL)

Time to pause and focus on what makes our hearts happy.  A couple of years ago we started a tradition of placing a jar on the table with slips of paper by it so we can all add what we are thankful for...despite any hardships and bad days we face, my jar runneth over.

"Because a thankful heart is a happy heart.  I'm glad for what I have, that's an easy way to start..."~Madame Blueberry of Veggie Tales.  :)

promise of hope and a future

This may be the most disorganized blog post ever...

A new chapter begins. 

Funny how when you think you have things figured out, God can come in and reveal a different plan.  Just over three weeks ago, after many months and months of praying and pleading for clear direction, I came to the conclusion that God still wanted me right where I was in my job.  Continue to work in a job that I love, with people I love even more.

See, last Thanksgiving looked something like this:
the day before Thanksgiving:

(the smiles aren't all fake...we were glad to be together)

Thanksgiving day:

Not really where we wanted to spend the day.  But as the saying goes, you do what you have to do, right?  A mommy trying to make Thanksgiving great even though Daddy's in the hospital and gets IV fluids for his Thanksgiving dinner.  Thank goodness for Cracker Barrel that cooked for the kids, Aunt Janet, and me!

A snapshot of today would look like this: a Daddy who is not feeling well at all...

every symptom he's ever experienced (almost) is occurring simultaneously,

 a baby girl who's 7 who has strep throat,

an almost 9 year old and an 11 year old who are going full steam ahead,

 and a Mommy who has had about 7 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours,

has laundry and housework oozing out of every space in the house,

 and needs to get the van in for an oil change and body repair. 

(the van.  and me, too...whenever i have the time)

Twelve hour shifts are pretty hard when Daddy isn't feeling well, and well, most of the last 12 months have been with Daddy not feeling well.  Any mom can understand why leaving your family at 6:15pm to work in an ICU setting and then return no earlier than 7:30am  to rush everyone to school isn't the best idea.  Or easiest. For anyone involved. 

We've tried our best!  We've relied on family and friends to come help at home.  We've discussed with bosses and HR departments about 8 hour shifts, leaves of absence, FMLA, and paid time off.  We've played around with schedules, tried to be more organized...we've tried to do the best for everyone involved.  My incredible nurse manager and friends at work have been very supportive and understanding.

The NICU is my first love...I love working with babies and giving their families hope for the future.   Seeing God's handiwork many times before it's meant to be seen.   Most of the time, it is a very rewarding job.  Sometimes, it is the most heartbreaking job.  I humbly believe that God has used me in the NICU since 1998 for His glory.  (there were 2 1/2 glorious years since 1998 that I was not in the NICU...I have left before.  During that time I raised my own babies, and had the awesome privilege of working at the Methodist MDO.  Talk about another incredible group of ladies!  If the director could pay me my nurse's salary and benefits, I'd be working there in a heartbeat!)  The people I work with in the NICU are amazing.  Many lifelong friendships have been forged through work.

Enter God's plan and timing.  An opportunity to work at the Children's Hospital, Monday through Friday, six hours a day, has been offered to me.  No weekends.  No holidays.  No call. No 12 hour shifts.  Can take the kids to school.  Will be home an hour after the bus brings them home.  Will still have time to go to Chad's appointments.  Will still have time to go grocery shopping ALONE (woohoo!). Can continue to run taxi service to gymnastics, soccer, church, and what not.  Maybe a routine in which I can even fit in the body work that needs to get done.  :)

God's got a plan.  Even when we can't see it.  He's going to use it for good. 

Excited to see how God will use this opportunity.

Jeremiah 29:11---"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you...to give you hope and a future."